Random Topic: "In the Realms of the Unreal"

Hello!

Recently, well, more like two days ago, I found out about an artist named Henry Darger.
Well, I actually knew about him from a TV program I saw a few years ago and never
forgot about his works but I didn't really know his name.

Anyway, I was on a random website and his works just popped up. The moment I saw them,
it was like BA-BAYM. It struck my heart, and I nearly cried (seriously lol)
It was just... I can't explain it in any other way except "BA-BAYM" haha.
I had to search more about him and found out that there was a documentary film
(Called "In the Realms of the Unreal(2004)") about him and watched it right away.



God the poster is so pretty (well.. I think the credit goes to Henry Darger but lol)
To be honest, I thought the documentary wasn't too perfect, but it was still great that
I got to know about his life and the stories of the novels he wrote.

Oh, and the night I watched the documentary, I dreamed about the Vivian girls!
I can't really remember how it went exactly but it was about me
(I'm 16 now so I don't think I, myself as a little girl...)
and how I got completely lost at my school. (I always dream about my school but it's not actually my school, it's a place where my primary school, my middle school, and my high school is all mixed together) Well anyway, yes, I get lost...oh wait I'm beginning to remember this now.

OK, so, I was at the strange mixed up, huge school and I had some random class next
but to be able to go to class I had to go through the swimming pool. When I walked to the swimming pool, I saw these dead ducks floating in them. I thought "Oh shit" and decided to look away and
run through so I don't have to see them. But, when took my first step, I stepped on something strange.
I looked at my feel and it was a dead chick. I screamed and ran away.
I didn't know any other way to class except through the horrible swimming pool so I wondered around finding trying to find another path. I failed.
Well, something happened after that and I was suddenly in this.. huge room with big furniture
(like a very old fashioned British room) and I needed to get out but I couldn't.
I saw this little blonde girl on the other side of the room of me (It's one of the Vivian girls!)
and she magically opened the big, heavy door and enormous butterfly wings grew out her back
and she fluttered away. That's when I woke up.
(Ok that made no sense... lol)
The actual dream was way more magical and the Vivian girl was more alive and pure but
I can't remember! So sad.

UGH, god, what am I supposed to do. Is there any books about him that I could read?
Are there any books showing his art works which I can purchase?

I don't know why, but looking at his paintings just makes you forget everything.
I seriously don't even give a shit about my sad life when I look at his works.
Oh.. and I want to say is that the paintings of the torture and massacre of
the little girls are the most horrifying thing I have ever seen. If I had to pick the most
horrifying art work I have ever seen, it will definitely be that.

I hope when I choose a art subject for school next year, I can choose my own
artist model because I will definitely choose Henry Darger.

That's it folks!

Random Topic: why can't I be you Princess Leia

Hello!

Well, since it's Star Wars day I'll talk about my personal views and experiences with: Star Wars.
(This is so pointless but oh well, I'm bored lol)

Ok, I am relatively new with Star Wars. I think I first watched A New Hope at the end of last year.
I really loved it and I was obsessed. To be honest I just fell in love with Han Solo and Chewie.
But the thing about it is, I don't like liking Star Wars. lol, does it make sense?
I don't know but it might but only me cause I'm weird but I always like liking something.
I really like liking classic films and I really like liking make up. I don't know, but it
feels nice when you like something, especially when that something is unique.

BUT.... Star Wars is so much in fashion now that I feel like people say "I love Star Wars" to
seem cool. Like you know.. those "I love Star Wars and I'm such a geek but I'm so hot"
kind of people. I just don't like them. At all.
That is the main reason I don't like liking Star Wars. It's just so normal.

But I can't help it, I just love it. Everytime I watch the original trilogy,
I just can't help feeling sad by the fact that I don't live in the Star Wars universe.
Like, everytime I go "UGH WHY CAN'T I GO AND HUG CHEWIE" or
"UGH WHY CAN'T I BE A PRETTY PRINCESS SO LUKE, HAN AND
CHEWIE CAN COME SAVE ME"
Well, that's life I guess.

I like Star Wars, but I don't want to be deeply into it and keep up with the latest news or search about
every information etc cause I simple can't be bothered...meh.
But it's kinda like my dream to have a perfect friend that loves Star Wars and will tell me all about it.
Ugh, wouldn't that be nice? (And they would own a Stormtrooper costume and would wear it
around with me )

So well, in conclusion, I don't really know if I like "Star Wars", I just love the original trilogy.
I just love the costume, the characters and set design. I don't think I will ever watch the
prequel trilogy and I'm not too interested in "The Force Awakens" (Well I am not interested
and interested at the same time cause holy shit Harrison Ford)
Well.. I kind of just spend my time staring at Han Solo's butt and scream at how adorable the
Ewoks are and cry because I am not a Princess.

That's it folks!

Random topic: "I'm an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort"- Blabbing about Maurice (book + film)

Hello!

"I should have gone through life half awake if you had the decency to leave me alone.
Awake intellectually, yes, and emotionally in a way; but here-" He pointed with his pipe stem
to his heart; and both smiled. "Perhaps we woke up one another. I like to think that anyway."

(Holy shit this is one of my many favorite lines from the book and I am going to cry)

Ok, since I watched the wonderful wonderful film Maurice, I HAD to read the book.
I got at out at my local library and was surprised at how thin it was and read it in a few days.
(I took my time reading it because I kept of saving it for later- I just didn't want to finish it.)

So here goes my talking about the book and film in general!

I LOVED this book. It is my new favorite book ever. I have finally discovered how beautiful
novels can be. I am completely in love with this book. Ugh, I am just so sad I finished it.
Well, I'm sure I will read it over and over again though.

I just loved everything, it was just flawless. The very surprising this was I actually
prefer the book over the film! (I can't believe I am saying this since I hate people who
says the book is always better) I thought the book made more sense. 
Like, in the film, I felt that the chemistry and love was so strong between Maurice and Clive 
and it just never went away. So when Alec came along, I didn't feel too convinced.
(I just couldn't help but think that Maurice and Clive is the true couple, even though they
is no way they could be ever together)
But, when I read the book, I understood everything. I never thought I will ever think this
way though haha. 

And yes, I liked the ending in the book more than the film. I thought it was more romantic and 
haunting when Maurice disappeared off into the darkness, leaving Clive all alone.
But, I absolutely LOVE the film as well, don't get me wrong! haha.

It was just awesome because the impression I got from the book and the film are so different.
For the film, I was just completely heartbroken and was pretty much depressed for the whole day.
Even though Maurice has found Alec, it just seemed like still, Clive was the "true" love.
(And of course, Maurice was Clive's only one) I don't know but - I just felt that way (Sorry Alec lol) BUT, in the novel, I didn't feel any of that.
I knew that Maurice absolutely loves Alec and so does Alec. Maurice and Alec was the "true" couple with the only happy ending. And Clive is just standing there all alone.
In that way, I enjoyed the book better.
(The film was just extremely sad, but the novel made me happy at the end.
Although it was absolute torture half way reading Maurice shattered to pieces.)

Of the many heart breaking chapters and episodes, this scene was the most memorable for me:

"Miss Edna May is not only beautiful, she is attractive."
"She doesn't attract me," said Maurice pettishly.
"Oh Mr Hall, what an ungallant remark. Look at her lovely hair."
"I like short hair best."
"Why?"
"Because I can stroke it -" and he began to cry.

Oh man I'm going to cry.... this scene...UGH THIS SCENE.
I thought the "Stroking hair" is a important symbol in Maurice.

When Clive faints at Maurice's house, the book tells us he is not in love with Maurice anymore
and he becomes interested in women. These scenes really confuse me.
Did Clive just actually, lose interest in Maurice (and men and general) or did he just
"try" to not love him? I don't know exactly (of course) but I will just say that I personally think
that Clive would always love Maurice - well, more like Maurice's shadows (Although he 
would never admit it, even to himself) I think that Clive was so guilty and disgusted at himself
(of being "abnormal") he just thought that he has changed. And by believing that, he has
fallen in love with Anne. Clive is a fascinating character. How can someone completely hide
everything of their true self and act as someone else? 
So I personally think that Clive has not changed, he can't change, but he has wished so much
to be normal that he ...well, has. So well, I think that Clive thinks that he has changed and
loves his wife - but he really doesn't. And he himself doesn't even know that. If he does,
it will be the end of him. 
(Hmm.....This kind of reminds me of a scene in "The boys in the band(1970)"
When Harold tells Michael:"You're a sad and pathetic man. You're a homosexual and you don't want to be, but there's nothing you can do to change it. Not all the prayers to your god, not all the analysis you can buy in all the years you've go left to live. You may one day be able to know a heterosexual life if you want it desperately enough. If you pursue it with the fervor with which you annihilate. But you'll always be homosexual as well. Always Michael. Always. Until the day you die."
Daym this quote is like perfect for my feelings towards Clive!)

A lot of people, well, more the everyone I have read their opinions so far says that
Clive and Maurice was never meant for each other and they have never gotten along if
Clive didn't run away, but I don't think that way.
I just don't think there is a "If they were together..." thing. They will always be parted,
not matter what. It's their destiny(destiny is a cruel thing...) 
It is like, they are TOO perfect for each other they have to be separated.
(It reminds me of this manga book published in the 80's where a prince falls in love with
a man who is in love with a woman. The prince tells the man:
"Why can't we be together?If we are together, the whole world will be ours. 
We are perfect for one and other!" The man says 
"That is why we have to be parted. we are TOO perfect. God has made us
both men so we cannot be together, to avoid us from loving each other.")
In this case, I think god made Clive the way he is so they cannot be together.
(lol wtf am I saying I'm a freaking atheist haha)

Well anyway, in conclusion, I thought that both novel and film versions of Maurice
are absolutely amazing and I'm sure I would read/watch them over and over again.

"While beyond the barrier Maurice wandered, the wrong words on his lips and the wrong
desires in his heart, and his arms full of air."

Ohhh and I loved the terminal note by written in 1960. I loved it when he wrote
(About Clive)"He has annoyed me. I may nag at him over much, stress his aridity and 
political pretensions and the thinning of his hair, nothing he or his wife or his mother
does it ever right."

Uh..I just love everything about this novel. I just love the fact it was written in the actual time
the story is set. Now, that is just rare. I am definitely going to read "A room with a view"
written by F.M. Forster next. I've watched the film last year but I hardly remember it...


"And now we shan't be parted no more, and that's finished."

Random topic: Dreams

I had a dream about Marlon Brando yesterday.
Uh, dreams are so weird,
I actually thought I was in real life until I woke up in disappointment lol

Ok, so, It went like this:

I was at school and I had to go to this other class for some reason (it was half way through the period) AND THE TEACHER WAS FREAKIN BRANDO(hahahaha)
I didn't get surprised because I was just like "oh, it's Marlon Brando. Oh yeah I heard about that."
Maybe I had to give the teacher a note or something but Mr Brando told me to just sit down
because he was still teaching and didn't want the class to get disturbed.
I looked for a desk to sit at but everyone was sitting at the back so I had to sit near the front.
Mr Brando was writing things on the board and explaining it (I had no idea what it meant but it was probably science class) and I thought "oh shit why don't I have paper I want to write down notes Marlon Brando gave me!!". The bells ringed and the period ended and the whole class went running of for lunch but I still sat at the desk. Then, Mr Brando sat at the desk right next to me and ... I can't really remember but he said something like "do you understand this?"and I said
"Our teacher taught us this in a different way".
(lol this is so random.) And after that I just went off to lunch.
I ran up to my best friend and told her "OH MY GOD MARLON BRANDO IS A TEACHER AT OUR SCHOOL" and she was like "yeah I know, what's the big deal". I explained to her "what do you mean, maybe you don't know but he's one of the greatest actors ever lived and he went out with Marilyn Monroe and stuff"(lol what does that matter)

And, I woke up after that.
Ahh... such an intense dream. It was a Marlon Brando around the late 50's to 60's.

I get really weird dreams lately. I had a dream about Scarface recently.
I can't really remember but I clearly have a memory of saying something to Tony lol.
And, I had a dream about Pulp Fiction and doing drugs with Vincent.
What the hell is wrong with me ahaha. How about no.